I keep telling myself that it wasn’t their mistake. Instead, it was mine. But I have to stop doing that. There are moments when life is too much and you know it’s not worth it anymore. These last few weeks have taken a toll of me. I’m done. I really made a poor decision.
This week was awful. Overall, it was filled with rejection. I tried to connect with two mentors and that was a failure. Most of the time, I just feel like leaving all of this behind. I wonder if anyone else has trouble fitting in. It has got to the point where I don’t even care. IT’s so frustrating. Loneliness hurts and I have no friends. I love sleep. The best part of my day is the movement I make to bed when I turn off the lights and slip into bed. There is no one there to judge or be mean. No condescending looks from. People that I can’t stand.
There has been no change. I’m just tired.
Jul. 31, 2007. That was the day the Minnesota Timberwolves traded away franchise icon Kevin Garnett to the Boston Celtics. The trade was engineered by Kevin Mchale, sending KG to the Celtics. And just like that, the Wolves did not have an identity or a modicum of intensity. They were perpetually rebuilding going through slogans like “united we run” and missing on draft picks. A defensive virtuoso, KG could do it all. After 12 years, he was gone. Feb. 19, 2015. This day marked the NBA trade deadline and KG returned to the Wolves in a trade that was engineered by Flip Saunders and KG, who waived his no-trade clause to make it happen. As a fan, there is nothing worse than feeling like you were let down. Life is full of disappointment and harsh realities but it is disheartening to get anything less from someone’s best while rooting for a team. I learned that when attending my first Wolves game post KG trade. I can count on one hand the athletes who never let me down and KG is one. He was on a Boston Celtics team that would win a championship over the Los Angeles Lakers, the same team that ended the 2003-04 season in the Western Conference finals for the Wolves, KG’s MVP season. That day in early March of 2008, Brett Favre announced his first of many retirements from football so a Charlotte Bobcats visit to the Target Center to face the Wolves did not exactly make the first block of highlights on Sportscenter that night. My tickets were free and I am sure many others in the Target Center were there also for a similar reason. I thought about how the corridors of the Target Center must have been so packed just four years earlier when the Wolves were in the middle of the most successful season in franchise history. On the court, the Bobcats routed the listless Wolves by 20 points. The leading scorer in that game was Jason Richardson, scoring 30 points and it was obvious that he was trying to score at least 60. On the long drive home, I listened to the post-game coverage on an AM radio station, flickering in and out on the drive away from the metro. Wolves power forward Al Jefferson, the centerpiece of the package that the Wolves received from Boston for KG said “we didn’t come to play tonight” and that was unacceptable. KG, Paul Pierce,and Ray Allen won one title and after the 2012-13 season, Pierce and Garnett were traded to the Brooklyn Nets. While KG had many iconic moments with the Wolves and Celtics, the most memorable part of his time in Brooklyn was a Beats commercial played on TV during the holiday season in 2013. In the commercial, Garnett listened to “the man” by Aloe Blacc while a throng of angry and noisy fans hurled insults and even threw beverages at the team bus. At the end of the commercial, KG’s amazing focus accompanied the spectacular head phones. There was nobody quite like KG who could block out the haters. The NBA is a league of connected players and coaches. On Feb. 25 in his first game back with the Timberwolves, Garnett played for Saunders, the head coach during the glory days. Leading the opposing Washington Wizards was their head coach Randy Wittman, the ex-Minnesota head coach who was the head coach for Garnett before the trade to Boston. Garnett battled against Nene, just as they did in the Western Conference first round playoffs in 2004. In that year, Howard Dean ran for president and Lindsay Lohan hosted the MTV movie awards. The trade that brought KG back to Minnesota was not the premier trade nationally. Some might say Goran Dragic moving from the Phoenix Suns to the Miami Heat was a bigger “here and now” trade or the other three dozen deals altered the landscape of the league more than a 38-year old Garnett coming back to Hennepin County. But, the number one guideline of mass media is to “give the people what they want” and that was true while watching the first two home games of the Wolves since the KG return. It was a trade that brought back a surge of excitement and fans in their old or new no. 21 jerseys.
I don’t keep up with this blog much anymore. The person who I worked with and connected with about this blog no longer lives in this area. Come to think of it, everyone I got along kind of moved on. I have a lot of problems and issues in my life. Overall, I’m unhappy with my professional life. There are really no opportunities in this region. Also, I don’t have any mentors. I feel like I preach about mentors quite a bit. All of the mentors I ever wished to associate with either saw me as cheap labor or passed me off, ignored me, or just had no use for me. I give a lot to every job and to others only to feel awful. I wonder where to go, I certainly don’t enjoy this area. I feel like I just need a break and things will be fine. But lately, it is not happening and I am miserable. I am just so tired of everything. None of this matters and while I continue to do what I have to do in trying and finding new opportunities, those chances have probably passed.
Makes me feel like I am watching a game of online NCAA Football 15 or listening to a three month old podcast
He was in the same qb draft class as Charlie Frye. I actually remember Charlie Frye.
Watching a dull Thursday night game beats any episode of 2.5 men.
While Ethan Hawke may not be one of my favorite all-time actors per se (the incomparable Daniel Day-Lewis and the intense Christian Bale may be notches above Hawke), I think he is the best studio talk show guest hands down. For the longest time, Terry Bradshaw was my favorite guest for his “aw shucks” approach on Jay Leno for so many years but there is a new unofficial holder of MII (most impressive interview). Hawke is engaging, self-deprecating, charming, and hilarious with his delivery and speaking style. His rapport with the host or leader of the interview is clear and smooth. An actor like Hawke gets booked on shows as part of a press docket but he is so splendid that you can only imagine what it would be like to have a meal with him and hear his dazzling stories of life as a star. A true thespian who has been in some hit movies, Hawke can be counted on to bring his fastball to any interview. It doesn’t matter if he is on Conan, Kimmel, or Seth Meyers, Hawke is a delight to watch with his humorous stylings and eloquence. As someone who watches too much television, I have seen Hawke as a guest on local news morning shows and he is spectacular on those as well. His graciousness shines through, chatting with the hosts of a mid-sized market, remembering names, and being genuinely excited to visit. Too many celebrities go on A.M. morning shows and act like a seven-year old, being forced to push away a delicious birthday cake ice cream bowl and eat asparagus. His impressive canon of films is powerful on its own but it is who he is ( a good guy) and not what he is (a star actor) that make watching his interviews such an exceptional viewing experience.
Lately, I’ve been wondering where it all went wrong. I guess you could say I have always looked for acceptance only to be disappointed. I can’t think of one person that I can call and talk to anymore. Most of them time, I just wonder why I put so much into things that didn’t pan out. I imagine just sinking into the ground, knowing that no one will ever notice. Today was a tough day, I just couldn’t get on track. I lose so many hours just wondering why I am here, what’s the point of me even trying because everything is so pointless. I hate myself and one day I will disappear and I don’t care what they will think or say of me because those days are over. I never fit in with anyone so who cares. I wish I had a mentor but most of the ones I identify want nothing To do with me or they focus on some one else. I was never a bad person.
I’ve been asked to list 15 films that will always stay with me. The rules are to take no more than 15 minutes and tag 15 people to make their own lists.
1) There will be blood
2) blue velvet
3) Vanilla Sky
5) American Beauty
6) Eyes wide shut
7) Wonder boys
8) Revolutionary road
9) Broken arrow
10) The Social Network
11) Basic instinct
12) The purge
13) Point break